FED UP

Another couple of years goes by and you get swept up in crazy shit. Right? It isn’t just me. It isn’t just my family. It’s all of us. Some have had it worse than others to be sure. But it’s safe to say that since early 2020 our worlds have been turned upside down. I’ve actually been very busy – just not in a blog sort of way – online since the lockdowns began in March of 2020. In fact, it’s probably a better descriptive to say that I’ve been a tad “obsessed” with discovering truth and navigating through the bullshit that is our mainstream press and government propaganda. I’ve been spamming on my Instagram especially.

Idaho Life

So what’s new?

In January of 2020 my son was shot. He and his girlfriend got into her car after her shift. Her stalker ex, pulled his car behind theirs, blocked them in, got out and walked to the driver side (my son was a passenger), and fired twice in the car. He fled and then shortly later unsuccessfully shot himself. I’m not a person of faith. Even after this. But either miraculously or by sheer luck, my son and his girl were very minimally physically injured (the trauma and scars are longer to fade). So the stalker ex, lived, is missing an eye, and now locked up. For something like another 8 years, as he spent a year in jail, was 21, the judge was sympathetic AND Because he didn’t kill them. You should have heard the victim impact statement I made – it really was something. And I looked the mother fucker in the eye (ha!) and told him exactly what he had done to our families (and his) and that he should be dead. If you think I have any regrets over this – you’d be sorely wrong. This event was a life changer for my son. It was a life changer for me. And I began to really think about leaving California – our family had been talking about it off and on for years due to the increased liberalism rule that is incredibly constraining and suffocating (and NUTS) – and expensive.

If you stop posting online is there anyone to notice?

it’s been almost 3 years since my last post and yet oddly enough not THAT much has changed in the day to day running of my life. I wonder if others feel that pretty much is the same for them? I bet more people would give a resounding “YES” than not. So what’s new?

Life of a goal keeper (not the kind you think)…

For the first time in a very long time, I actually set a goal for myself. And I actually met that goal. Maybe that sounds silly to you, but it is a very big deal for me. See I like to have “general” things I’m working on, and working TOWARDS accomplishing – but without specifics where I can actually fail. But to set a decided goal is really kind of scary for me. It means, I have to be a grown up. It means I have to make a fucking decision, and do the right thing for my mind, body, and soul health – and then hit that goal. (Shit, I just broke into sweat writing about it.)

Once a mom always a mom

My son is twenty years old. I sometimes feel as if he is twenty going on 7. Before I go any further, I have to state he is the great love of my life. I raised him without his dad around and with the very close knit love, support, patience and help of my small family. I love him so very much – and dammit if he isn’t the one person I think of as “dumbass” more than anyone else? Was I the same at his age?  I mean – I had to be RIGHT?!

working working day and night…

Okay so I haven’t been exactly working day and night. However, it is true that I did just in fact leave a job (after 7 years) that was working my brain and stress levels day and night. This is the first time in my life that I’ve actively sought something out to leave a situation that was becoming unbearable. A boss that couldn’t be trusted despite what he’d tell you to your face. Follow a previous boss to HIS new place of employment. It’s a big door of OPPORTUNITY that opened up in a world where not many doors open. WHOOSH>>>>I am running through it. (And while there is some sadness of leaving a place I’ve hung my hat for so long ….I’m truly excited at what is coming next.)

Gyms (and pants!) are for squares…

(get the squares reference…?)

So. Once again cancelled gym membership. I’m not against exercise. Not in the slightest.

But here is what I gave myself permission to do. Save money. Don’t spend money on something that I have to FORCE myself to go to maybe twice per week. Feel guilty when I don’t. And? Start to find myself self-sabotaging my goals as I feel bad. (Misery loves company don’t ya know?) Why pay to torture myself in a negative way?

I LOVE to walk. Move my body outside – especially in my neighborhood and town. Watch the people move about: families, groups of kids, walking pairs, dog walkers..you name it! It’s so damned meditative and freeing to have a podcast talking in my ears, watching my breathing (I do huff and puff a bit sometimes!), and have my senses filled with fresh air and a beautiful scenic surrounding.

I read an article on MyFitnessPal this morning that sums so much of it up:

“While he’d made plenty of half-hearted attempts to join gyms and start various fitness programs over the years, he found that walking was something to which he could actually stick.”

This was from an article about a dude that lost 100 lbs. While he had other motivators that he clung to – what struck me was his tried and failed attempts at the gym. DITTO. Walking is where it is at for me; which I discovered this year. I won’t give it up – and I won’t pay for something I will not use! (When we lose all daylight again, I’ll simply do what I can when I and not plunk down another few hundred dollars)

Last night I got home from work, changed my clothes, and was out the door for as much of a walk as I could get before it was dark. I put on the ugly safety vest (I mean REALLY ugly vest), plugged into my true crime podcast and off I went! (I even posted them on Instagram and also in my Instastory for fun). It wasn’t my “big” loop that is just around 3 miles, but I didn’t have time for that. I had to get in SOMETHING before it was too dark. And it was AWESOME.

Look around you. Give yourself permission to do what works. What makes you happy. What will help you get where you want to be!

All Arrow all the time…

There are characters on this show that engage me in a way that many shows do NOT. The center of it all being Stephen Amell’s Oliver Queen, and the story of a spoiled rich boy being chewed up, spit out, and clawing his way into greatness. Here we are closing in on the halfway point of Season 5 – and I think I’m well and truly mad.

Be good to yourself (nobody else will!)

I know I don’t share all of the data from each walk, but really does anyone REALLY care?! Either way – I’m currently beta testing Android 7.0 Nougat on my Samsung S7 and it’s possible that the GPS is slightly buggy due to that. I know the walk I took this morning is 2.87 miles; I’ve done it so many times! I had to scrap that “tracking walk” from the Fitbit app and go with what my Fitbit Charge 2 picked up etc. (That is why there isn’t a distance on the capture)

10k steps a day is hard…

No joke. Each Fitbit comes with a default (I think) of 10k Steps/Day Goal. Dudes – for someone with a desk job that is really hard to make!! Today I had 7/10 hours with the 250 reminders, and went to the gym and clocked over 2 miles on the treadmill, and went grocery shopping, and did kitchen cooking and cleaning, as well as running around the house. I literally just hit 10,127 steps as I got into bed. The struggle is real!

My coffee is cold…

Again. On the weekends, I love the fact that I get to use one of my beloved over-sized coffee mugs to drink my coffee  rather than the Contigo thermos(es) that I use when travelling to work, etc. Today is a lovely mug from The Madonna Inn and I’ve already had to stick it back into the microwave 3 times.